


There's no such thing as a free Demon Beast

by Chimeranyx



Series: Demon King Escargoon AU [1]
Category: Hoshi no Kaabii | Kirby: Right Back at Ya!
Genre: ... aren't all fanfics canon divergence ? w/e, Actual Death Experience, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Corpse Desecration, Dark, Gijinka AU, Gore, Near Death Experiences, Other, Physical Abuse, demon beast!escargoon, episode remix of 88 i guess?, hints of dedesuka but like, nightmare fucking destroys it lmao, sequel hook
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:08:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24784384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chimeranyx/pseuds/Chimeranyx
Summary: Escargoon always knew that something free from Nightmare Enterprises came with strings attached, but Dedede learns it in the worst possible way when his henchman is sent back as a 12-foot tall monster that shoots lightning.
Series: Demon King Escargoon AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1792612
Comments: 1
Kudos: 23





	There's no such thing as a free Demon Beast

**Author's Note:**

> this is kind of what i took a break from the chatfic for :) what better to do during quarantine then write gory kirby gijinka fic, am I right?
> 
> i'd like to note that my gijinkas aren't quite human, i guess tiff and tuff might as well be, but escargoon is a snailfolk, he has calcium-based plates on his back and dedede's a birdfolk (penguin type). we'll see more about kirby and meta knight later
> 
> I'd like to give a shoutout to my friend Vivien for some pointers on the more... gruesome details.
> 
> yes, maimaigoon is the canonical name for this demon beast.

"Aww, is your age catchin' up to you, your majesty?" Escargoon teased. Dedede had been chasing him for the past ten minutes or so, trying to crack open his shell plates for… well, Escargoon actually wasn't sure of his majesty's reasoning here _. Whatever._ He had things to do. "Well, I'll be off. See you later, Sire." He turned and, while humming to himself, strode towards the door of the throne room.

The cruel strike of the hammer took him by surprise, wrenching the breath out of his lungs, into a scream. Escargoon lay splayed out on the floor, dazed, as his body pounded with pain. His shell plates were definitely fractured, probably his spine and ribs too, and it ached to even breathe… oh, oh god, _this was it_ , wasn’t it? He’d always worried this day would come, when Dedede hurt him _like this_ …

_He was going to die here, wasn’t he?_

Escargoon felt Dedede behind him, felt the king tear his clothes away, felt him worm his fingers into the cracks and _pull_ , and he howled in agony. “Y…. your majesty… Dedede, stop, you’re _killing me_!”

“Shut up, it can’t be that bad - _ah_!” Just like that, Dedede’d torn away a piece of his shell, and was now poking around the wound as Escargoon cried out in agony. “Hey… there ain’t nothin’ under here but meat!”

“I… I _told_ you that Sire, and yet…” There were tears dripping from Escargoon’s eyes now, just as blood dripped from his wound. “This… this is it…”

“Huh? Whatcha mean, Escargoon?”

“You… I’m going to die here, you… you bastard…” A mix of emotions burned within his chest - anger, regret, sorrow… “Unless… I get help… I’m done for…”

“Help? Hm…” Dedede chuckled. “I know just the guy to help ya.” Escargoon weakly lifted his head, watching as the king flopped down into the throne and pressed a button - oh no, _he wasn’t_ …

The massive screen arched down from the wall, and though he couldn’t see it, Escargoon just _knew_ the salesman was wearing that shit-eating grin… “Heya, D-man, what’s crackin’?”

“Escargoon’s shell plates, that’s what’s crackin’!” Dedede rushed back to Escargoon’s prone body, and hauled his hapless henchman over to the throne. Though his vision was beginning to blur, Escargoon saw the salesman wince as he sucked his breath through his teeth. 

“Ooh, _yikes_ .” Was that… _pity_ in the salesman’s voice? “Lucky for you guys, we have a way of fixing him. And since it’s an emergency, I’m allowed to offer it to you for free.”

“For _free_ ? _And_ Escargoon gets better? That’s a great deal right there!” Dedede guffawed as Escargoon groaned. Something free from Nightmare Enterprises _always_ came with strings attached.

“Now, hurry, Dedede. It looks like Escargoon’s about to give up the ghost there.” The salesman was right - Escargoon’s head was starting to feel like it was full of cotton, and when the teleporter rose up from the floor, it sounded like it was miles away. Dedede picked him up again, this time almost cradling him, and set him on the teleporter. 

Through his drooping eyelids, Escargoon watched the sparks above him wrench his body light years away, to a dark place…

He’d been here once before - the salesman had teleported him here as a demonstration. Now, a dark figure entered his cloudy vision. “Hey, Escargoon. Bad day at work, huh?” 

“Yeah… no shit… _agh_ …” It hurt to even speak, and Escargoon screwed his eyes shut. It was the one thing he felt he could do.

He felt the salesman pat him on the shoulder. He would have appreciated the notion if it didn't put him in more pain. “Don’t you worry, we’ll take good care of you here.” Escargoon heard footsteps - the salesman was abandoning him to his fate. “Alright, Nightmare. He’s all yours.”

Escargoon suddenly felt like he was floating, and he felt a strange, foreboding presence. “You must be Escargoon,” a voice echoed in his head. “I’ve heard so much about you…” He felt something stroke his cheek, something like a giant claw, and he gasped, then coughed up blood. “Look at the sorry state you’re in… I’m not a gambling man, but I’m willing to bet you had quite a few years left in you.” A deep chuckle rumbled around him, as if he'd been swallowed by a thundercloud. “I can feel it… your regrets… your worry… your _anger_...”

“Nh… I shoulda… left a long time ago…”

The laughter bubbled into an uproar this time, so loud it rattled Escargoon’s shattered bones. “ _Yesssss_ … now, take this… let your spirit fight on…”

The last thing Escargoon felt before his mind went blank was a strange chill, entering his chest and spreading to his limbs…

When he came to, he felt… _alive_ , and _warm_ . His body felt different, _stronger_ , even, like some sort of power was humming in his head. He opened his eyes, realizing he was back home, and then he heard a high-pitched scream… _Tiff?_ Was that Tiff?

He jackknifed up, immediately bumping his horns - he had _horns_ ? - on the teleporter, then peered down at where the scream had come from. Dedede, and those kids, they were all staring up at him, and Kirby… oh, _Kirby…_

Hate burned suddenly and brightly within him when he saw the young star warrior. Dedede, however, cleared his throat, derailing his hate train for a bit. “E-escargoon? Is that you?”

_That wasn’t his name, was it?_

“That’s _Maimaigoon_ to you,” he hissed, turning away from the king and focusing that strange, humming power to a point between his horns. A bolt of lightning crashed down in front of the kids and Kirby, knocking them into the air… and in a flash, he snatched Kirby up by the back of his shirt. Kirby squealed out in terror, squirming in his grasp. “It’s curtains for you, Kirby…” he said as he felt a devilish grin part his lips.

“F-FIEND!” Dedede screamed, snapping Maimaigoon’s attention away. _Fiend?_ He thought, his eyes narrowing. _Aren’t you the one who made me like this in the first place?_

_Nothing I do is ever good enough for you, is it?_

Maimaigoon suddenly didn’t hate Kirby that much anymore. No, all that hate was now centralized on one man - _Dedede._ He dropped Kirby onto Tiff, who was still sprawled out on the floor. “I just realized somethin’. You’re not my problem, Kirby.” 

He turned and faced Dedede, who was now visibly shaking, clutching his hammer. Oh, his majesty was trying to put on a brave face, was he? “ _You are_.”

“E-escargoonie-goo?”

Maimaigoon slapped the king across the throne room. “I told you, my name is _Maimaigoon_.” He quickly closed the distance between himself and Dedede, who was propping himself up with his hammer now, only for Maimaigoon to pin him to the wall. 

He lowered his face to the king’s level, and wow… he certainly was tiny now, wasn’t he? Maimaigoon let his long tongue drop from his mouth, and licked a tear from Dedede’s cheek. “Mhmm… consider yourself lucky that I’m going to let you live… for the next day or so, I think…”

Dedede flinched away, nearly dropping his hammer. “N-now hold on, Escargoon, you ain’t seriously considering killin’ me, are ya? What did I ever do to you?” 

“What did you ever do to me? _WHAT DID YOU EVER DO TO ME_ ?” Lightning crackled above Maimaigoon’s head as he roared, slamming Dedede into the wall a couple times for good measure. “You _beat_ me, you _belittle_ me, you _cheat_ me out of my salary, you tell everyone that I’m _ugly_ and that I’m _stupid_ , oh, and _YOU NEARLY KILLED ME_!” He threw Dedede towards the throne, and a loud crack rang out before the king slumped over.

“Hah… pathetic… couldn’t even take a little beating…” Maimaigoon muttered as he stomped over, and lifted Dedede's limp form up so he could check for signs of life. The way the king's neck was bent didn't look promising… 

He quickly glanced down, making eye contact with a terrified Tiff, who was cradling a spooked Kirby to her chest. Far behind her, her brother sobbed in horror, his tear-streaked face poking out from behind the throne room doors. Maimaigoon strode over, easily, and deposited the king next to the girl. "You know how to check someone's pulse, right?"

"Um, I… yeah…” Tiff gingerly laid her finger’s on the king’s neck, her face pensive and her lips pressed into a thin line as she searched for a heartbeat. Her eyes, however, slowly widened in horror, and she laid her head on his chest. “... He’s dead, Escargoon - _Maimaigoon_! I meant Maimaigoon, I’m so sorry!” She scurried back, holding her hands out as if that could keep him away.

Maimaigoon, however, was unconcerned by this transgression. “... Bastard… couldn’t even give me the satisfaction of killing him slowly.” He picked up the king’s body again, and in a fit of rage, hurled him at the big, ugly statue that towered over the throne room, shattering its face. “Ooh, now there’s a good idea…” He charged the lightning between his horns, again, and blasted the statue in the chest, crumbling it into rubble. “... Hey. Kids.”

“Y-yeah?” Tiff whispered.

“Get everyone out of the castle. There’s about to be a lot of explosions.”

* * *

_Crash!_

Maimaigoon smirked as yet another statue of Dedede collapsed into rubble. He kicked aside a rather large chunk, as he whirled onto the next one and destroyed it too. Oh, this was too much fun, going through the castle and destroying each and every last ugly portrait, each stupid statue, even those awful bathroom doors with his face on it! Of course, the throne room was nearly reduced to nothing… he’d have to get that fixed later.

The piece of rubble he’d kicked aside suddenly rolled back at him, and he felt a strange tickle at the base of his neck. He glared into the hallway, and saw Meta Knight, with his sword already drawn. “Escargoon.”

“Guess the word didn’t spread that I’m going by Maimaigoon now, huh?” He kneeled down to get a better look at the diminutive knight, and he caught a good whiff of steel, leather, and... was that chocolate? _Fascinating._ “So, have you come to stop me?”

“You decided not to attack Kirby. May I ask why?” Meta Knight still pointed his sword at him, the blade reflecting a strange green light. That was odd, the light in the hallway wasn’t green...

“Mh, I’m not really sure…” Maimaigoon crossed his legs, taking a moment to rest from his rampage. He adjusted the curtain he’d swiped from the dining room and tied around his waist - at least four people had seen his junk today. He didn’t need a fifth. “I guess when it comes down to it… Kirby didn’t really do nothin’ to hurt me. Well, no, he did but…” he shrugged. “He was only doin’ that to be a hero. Now, Dedede, on the other hand…” he clenched his fists. “That bastard got what he had comin’.”

Meta Knight lowered his sword, caution apparent in the motion. “Mamaigoon,” he demanded. “Where is the king’s body?”

“Oh, wouldn’t you like to know?” Maimaigoon stood up now, stretching a bit. This guy was really starting to get on his nerves.

“I would very much like to know where he is.” Out of the corner of his eye, Maimaigoon caught a glimpse of armor - so Sword and Blade were here too, then. Meta Knight, however, motioned with his hand - a signal to stop their advance. “He deserves a proper burial. Don’t you think so?”

The rage filled Maimaigoon’s mind in an instant. “I most certainly do _not._ ” he growled. “Not anymore.”

Meta Knight slowly nodded, his eyes flashing green. “... You loved him once. You whispered it to me, in secret.”

“Heh. I was stupid back then, wasn’t I?” Maimaigoon moved onto the next Dedede statue. “Honestly, though… the only person he could love, hell, the only thing he ever loved -” he blasted the wretched thing right in the face with a bolt of electricity “ - is himself.”

“Maimaigoon… I see now. He pushed your buttons for the last time.” Meta Knight sheathed his sword and let loose a long, tired sigh. “I knew this day would come, just... not like this."

"Trust me, neither did I."

Meta Knight crossed his arms. "I would still like to know where the body is.”

“You’re not going to give up, are you?”

“No.”

“Fine. He’s in his vault, for now.” Maimaigoon giggled a bit. “All that money he swindled outta the townsfolk, and now he’s in there rotting with it.”

“If only he could appreciate irony.” Meta Knight wrapped himself in his cloak. “If I may ask… what do you plan on doing now that Dedede is dead?”

“Well, my short term goal is to get rid of all the ugly iconography of him.” As if to drive the point home, he blasted another statue. “As for the long term… do you know any good jewelers?”

“I do not. Why?”

“Well, Dream Land’s new king is going to need his own crown, isn’t he? Now, hm, the rubble from all these statues… ooh, maybe we could use it to make a public bathroom or somethin’...”

“King? Maimaigoon, surely you aren’t…”

"Of course I am! Why wouldn't I?" Maimaigoon crossed his arms. “He screwed me over so many times, why shouldn’t I take his throne?”

"Do you think the townsfolk will be comfortable with that? Having a demon beast as their king?"

“They were already fine with one.”

Meta Knight sighed again. “... There’s no swaying you, of course. But know this - now that Dedede is dead, I am no longer in service to the throne of Dream Land. My duty, now, is to protect the people, and if you are to become a threat to them… then your reign will be short-lived.” Meta Knight turned on his heel. "Sword. Blade. Let's go."

The two knights saluted their master, and followed him out of the hall, leaving Maimaigoon alone. He sat and digested that threat for a moment, then went back to his destruction.

* * *

In the evening, Maimaigoon headed out to the castle walls, cradling Dedede's long-cold body. A few villagers were milling about below, confused and alarmed. Someone pointed up at him and screamed something he couldn’t understand. That was fine, he decided. All they needed to do was observe.

He set the royal corpse on a nearby spire, plopped down on the edge, and smiled down at it. Despite the stiffness, and the weird angle of his neck, Dedede looked no worse for wear. “Alright, Dedede, this is it…” he murmured, plucking that stupid hat...crown thing off of Dedede’s head, and tore the cloth away from the metal coronet, sliding it up his arm - it was a perfect fit on his bicep. He then took Dedede’s cranium in his hand, smirking. “Your Majesty, if I recall correctly, you were complaining about havin’ headaches… well, let me fix that for you.”

His hand curled around the head, drawing gasps from the crowd below, and twisted, feeling the veins snap as he overextended the neck, watched the skin tear away, and with a quick jerk of his wrist, he ripped Dedede’s head off. He set that aside too, then threw the rest of the corpse into the moat below. “You all go ahead and do whatever you want with that, alright?” he shouted to the people below, then stood up, scooped up the head, and headed back to the throne room. 

The place was empty and completely demolished, just as he’d left it. On the far side, the door to the royal vault hung open, and he entered, humming to himself as if he was swiping some money away, like it was some normal day. He picked up a half-filled bag, tugging it open, and deposited the head inside. “There you are, Dedede. Just how you’d like it,” he cooed, almost lovingly, as he pulled the drawstring closed, then slung the bag over his shoulder, strolling over to the throne and pressing the button that had sealed his fate hours before.

The giant screen now came down at a jaunty angle, the face of it clearly cracked, but it still functioned, though it flickered like a shady motel sign. “Hey there, Maimaigoon! Everything okay down there in Dream Land?”

“Mmhm! Me and his majesty had a little talk… He’s going for a swim right now, but wouldn’t you know it, he was so darn pleased he actually decided to pay off some of his debt!” Maimaigoon presented the bag, flashing a great, big smile. “And really, I’ve got to thank you, too. I feel at least ten years younger, y’know?”

“That’s great to hear! Now, why don’t you send me that moolah, hm?” The salesman smirked, unaware of the nasty surprise he was about to get.

“Oh, of course.” Mamaigoon gently set the bag on the teleporter, and watched the device charge up - and as he did, he charged up his own attack. “You know… it’s been a pleasure doing business with you,” he purred as the money bag disappeared out of sight. “But… I think I’m the only demon beast Dream Land needs.”

“I’m sorry?”

Maimaigoon’s reply came in a bolt of lighting directly to the teleport pad, which in turn exploded violently, throwing him back. Immediately, he became aware of the ceiling starting to cave in, and he scrambled away before he could get crushed.

* * *

Nightmare knew what he’d been sent. He'd had his lackey monitor the situation very closely.

He knew he’d conjured a very powerful demon beast out of Escargoon’s anger, one so full of wrath he’d figured an idiot like Dedede would never be able to control it.

He’d been right, of course. He knew his creations very well.

As far as the salesman could tell, though, the young Star Warrior, Kirby, still lived, as did Meta Knight. Now _that_ was disappointing - Maimaigoon had even taken a threat from one of them into consideration. And now, the salesman approached him, the bag in his shaking hands, a sheen of sweat on his forehead. “Nightmare, sir… here’s the head of King Dedede, as you asked…” he mumbled, averting his eyes.

Nightmare reached down, pinching the bag between his fingertips, and upending the contents into his palm. Sure enough, Dedede’s head stared up at him from the glittering coins, as if dumbfounded. “So we meet in person, my little debt dodger…” he chuckled to himself, then tucked the head into his cape. “I’ll experiment with you later… but for now…” 

Nightmare snapped his fingers, watching the salesman snap to attention. “Y-yes sir? What is it?”

“There are some clients in countries neighboring Dream Land, yes?”

“I… believe so, sir, but they only order novelties, not demon beasts. Though, the delivery system can still be used to transport demon beasts, I suppose...”

“Then Kirby may be in our grasp still.” Nightmare leered down at his henchman. “Starting now, your job is to infiltrate Dream Land. Send subtle beasts, ones that look like everyday people, to enter the town as visitors. Have them gain either Kirby or Maimaigoon’s trust… and lure them back to us.”

“S-sir? I can understand Kirby, but why -”

“As far as I’m concerned, Maimaigoon is still an _asset_ , even if it is an unruly one.” Nightmare turned away from the salesman, ready to head towards his monster workshop, but paused as an idea flashed through his brain. “If you bring it back, successfully… there’s certainly a bonus in it for you. Perhaps even a promotion.”

“A… promotion? Sir… I’m honored!” Nightmare smirked to himself. Oh, how his easily his employees were goaded along! “I’ll see what I can do.”

**Author's Note:**

> here is a height chart and visual reference for most of the characters present:
> 
> https://escargoon-sandwich.tumblr.com/post/634884296980725760/a-height-chart-for-some-of-my-animeverse-gijinkas


End file.
